who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
