And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
