Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
