This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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