i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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