So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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