I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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