it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
