awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Please don't give away my fajitas
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
