Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
