apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
