Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
