ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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