dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
