Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
