Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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