You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
