A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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