I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just want nice things and good sex
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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