Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
