Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize