Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i think i have herpe
just one?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
