wrigley field is MILF paradise
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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