I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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