Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I need a burrito and a hug.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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