I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
