Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
