Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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