he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
