'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
