I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
