Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize