Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
