Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
