he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
