i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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