i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
