Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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