Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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