I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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