apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
