it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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