I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
