Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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