alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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