she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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