I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
