Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
