im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
