im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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