In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
