YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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