Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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