Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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