yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
