Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
