we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
