i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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