tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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