Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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