I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
